The Conclusion

Love is no simple task. You need a lot of effort to understand it, as well as time and the mental capacity in order to do so. Some would tell you about how love is a chemistry, a biochemical process inside our body that will allow us to feel, perceive the sense of having an attachment to someone or something. We will devote all we have to please the object of our attachment, so much that we're even willing to give our life. And that's a scary thing. It is scarier when you have to give your whole life to another people. They love you for whatever good inside you but rarely, they will accept the darkness within as well.

 One who knows love must know hate, disappointment and desperation, because one who is trying to protect something precious to him/her, must be prepared to lose them. One must be prepared to be dissapointed when one's expectations are not fulfilled accordingly. And worst thing one must endure will be the moment when one's subject of love deny them.

That is just so scary. 

Then again, life is never really about all-beautiful, it is to accept that dreadful thing awaits, then One can truly say that life is worth living. All my life, loving something was always a confusing challenge. Even now, I'm as confused as I was. I met few others who would spare their time for me, even giving up their private time to please me. And I gave them as well. 

 And all I ever felt about love was that I was the dissapointing one. I was not sensitive, detached to my significant others. Been many times I've fallen into depressive state after that? They would rarely asked or cared about how I feel or think. Just like a business contract, their feelings for me were sealed off. No amount of time is worthy to please your ex (or exes),  because it just didn't work. I had broken up with some as well, so basically, once you're dissapointed with someone, you just can't forgive them. You want them away so they won't bother you anymore. 

That is just cruel.

Your development, your thoughts were shaped by your experience with them. There's no denying that. What you denied was your attachment and lingering wave of affection to them. The past existed so that you may learn from it, not to simply bury it, and treated it as if it was nothing. No nothingness shall affect any existing things. You can act like it was nothing, but it was there all along. Time passed,  We learned to endure it, but how can be sure if it's gone ? We will accept it in the end, but we can't just deny that. The more we reject our past, the darker our future will be. 

At some point, we will find a new form of love. Someone else will fill the hole of loneliness, and that's true. But how can we ever be sure if such hole will be filled permanently ? We must establish the very first foundation of love, and that is to accept what we are, and taking care of ourself accordingly. Then, we will encounter one or two people who will make us comfortable to share these stories, and maybe, they will be the one who will close the hole inside our heart. Only if one's accepting the fate of being emotionally involved with someone that one will be ready to love. 

And these were the lesson you gave me, and I hope that you will give me some more. It's you, you cute doofus.