Homeostasis

"do you know about the homeostasis ?"

I got the term when I was watching The Big Bang Theory, comedy series on CBS (spoiler alert: good show). The main character, Sheldon Cooper, a theoretical physicist with an eccentric persona (portrayed by Jim Parsons), mentioned those term. Then I looked for what it means. It's a state in which the condition within a certain area (mostly the terms are found in biology) remains the same within certain period. No sudden change. Everything's in it's place. The simplest kind of change will be the lack of unnecessary change, or the steady state, a comfort zone. And Sheldon, he's after such state; no sudden change, cause everything's been working well. 

Like Sheldon's character, I do not like change. And for some people, that's bad. It means that you won't be able to perceive progress quicker. People would tell me that I am stubborn to the core. Well, they're not wrong. I would prefer things to remain the same. Same old activity everyday with the same old people. I would sometimes be shocked if the people I used to know changed, compared to the one I knew. Most people will blame you for being unable to accept that people can change, especially the one you cared about. When they're changing, the feelings you had for them were shifted greatly. If it's changing for worse or good, you weren't there. Someone said that I don't have to blame myself for that, and now.. That someone's changing too. 

And still, I'm not the one's beside her. I don't wanna care so much only to be disappointed by the fact that person didn't really care or interested. I grieved, but not that much. Cause I know, deep inside, I am not gonna be hurt badly, cause she is not making it easier as well. So I stopped, knowing that she's into, someone else. And that moment, I knew that I have to be more firm if there's a resistance, I should stop immediately.

There is no denying that somehow, deep inside, I cared for her well being. I wish her a good life, a good fortune. It's just the most saddening thing, is the fact that I'm not the one she sees fit to bear her genuine affection. I was sad, and poof; I won't care about those who're not genuinely interested with my thoughts and feelings. Cause after all, it's not about how everything's changed, but how everything's changed in the way that is uncontrollable, which will make me sad the most. I stated my apologies, yet here I am. As if nothing's changed. 

A good female friend told me, that if someone's talking about other guy so much more when she's with you, then something's off. And when your first worst thought came out, just agree with it first. I told her, I can't do that, and I won't do that. Well, she's right. And I'm in the wrong. Unchanging as usual. Still the same old story. She assured me, that someone will appreciate me effortlessly, it's just that my current crush isn't the one worthy. And that is, dear reader, a reason why some change are proven to be better or worse. If it doesn't change then it's working, and homeostasis is achievable.